What Next?
I have been having these unnerving thoughts about the impending future. What is it that I have been placed here for? What is the bigger picture? Where do I fit in. I can almost feel that I am not here to do what I am doing right now. Wake up, smile, go to work, be physically present and spiritually absent there for 8 some hours, get out, try and find ways to keep my mind occupied.
It seems a very long life for me to be able to keep doing this everyday. I will soon go mad if it continues. I keep looking for signs. I try to identify them and then bring them to fruition. I have been meaning to go places. So many places. But I need a travel companion. Someone with whom I will be able to share my experiences, interpret them and learn form them.
This unrest, I don't know if everyone possess it. I have met people who are perfectly happy with their current state of existence. Who can carry on doing what they are forever and not complain. I on the other hand find it hard to breathe sometimes because of the realization that the time in my hands right now will never come back. This moment is gone, lost in eternity and I have been unable to live it to its full potential. This is wrong! I need to not let any more moments pass underutilized. Every moment is a lifetime in itself and living in these moments is what makes up the bright collage of our life that would flash in front of us at the time we leave our body.
I have been having these unnerving thoughts about the impending future. What is it that I have been placed here for? What is the bigger picture? Where do I fit in. I can almost feel that I am not here to do what I am doing right now. Wake up, smile, go to work, be physically present and spiritually absent there for 8 some hours, get out, try and find ways to keep my mind occupied.
It seems a very long life for me to be able to keep doing this everyday. I will soon go mad if it continues. I keep looking for signs. I try to identify them and then bring them to fruition. I have been meaning to go places. So many places. But I need a travel companion. Someone with whom I will be able to share my experiences, interpret them and learn form them.
This unrest, I don't know if everyone possess it. I have met people who are perfectly happy with their current state of existence. Who can carry on doing what they are forever and not complain. I on the other hand find it hard to breathe sometimes because of the realization that the time in my hands right now will never come back. This moment is gone, lost in eternity and I have been unable to live it to its full potential. This is wrong! I need to not let any more moments pass underutilized. Every moment is a lifetime in itself and living in these moments is what makes up the bright collage of our life that would flash in front of us at the time we leave our body.
I have been reading books on spirituality and am seeking a mentor who can show me the path to attain inner peace. Peace should be irrespective of success or failures or the any other achievements in life. It should be all prevailing that lets you exist and accept any situation in life without causing ripples in the calm lake of our being. It should be all encompassing. I am looking for so many answers. I wonder where to start..
Comments
What you wrote is the essence of "Geeta"(भगवद् गीता).
"Seek and you will find"...Bible.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/12/22/be-who-you-were-born-to-be/
however it's always easier said than done, the choice is ultimately yours.
Hope you are doing well. A very close friend of mine from the east coast forwarded the link of your blog a few days back. I have always shared my thoughts with her and having read this post of yours, she was surprised that it reflected almost verbatim, those thoughts. Needless to say, I related to your writing the moment I read it. To be absolutely candid, I was wondering if you would like to have a conversation sometime. Incidentally, I am also based in the Sunnyvale area – have been here for a few years now. Let me know what you think – I look forward to hearing from you. My email address is gghose@gmail.com
Best,
Gautam.
To your statement “I have met people who are perfectly happy with their current state of existence” I would say there might be a very handful of people like this but definitely not at all the time. I remember an interview with AR Rahman, when he was asked “What do u do in free time? “, He replied I do music !! I thought for a while to his answer and realized that he might be the happiest person and his inner happinesss comes from doing what he loves. How lucky he might be as his Profession, Hobby, interest are all the same. But in an other Interview he himself said that he feels bad when he does music where he couldn’t stand up to the expectation. Then I thought I’ve learned something from the Maestro. The real inner happiness comes from giving and each person can attain this in different ways. I realized in my later days of my life that one cant be really happy by doing what they like but giving out the best in whatever they do.
I am a music freak, and have listened your Audio files and there is no doubt that you’ve got a great gift. You should feel lucky for being an artist where you can Cherish every moment of your life and remember very few people get that chance.
This is something I am writing for the first time on someone’s blog……..
All the Best,
Cheers,
Liked this post. Rest assured that you're not alone. But i guess with time, people come to terms with their state and are more at peace with it, and probably manage to find answers to existential questions...or manage to find an illusion of purpose to define their life by (which is more like it)...
This made me go back and read and smile at some old posts of mine written in a similar frame of mind...