Space out Time out

2010-06-03T20:19:00.001-07:00

God or Gravity?

Thank god for gravity!!! Its such a powerful force if we come to realize it. I was on walk with my dog one evening and after she got tired playing fetch, I decided to lay on the grass after having felt its softness in my feet while walking earlier. I was loving the weather and the wind and the blue sky with waves of clouds ebbing in the vast ocean of this atmosphere. I looked up and in an instant felt a discomfort stemming form the fear of what would happen if there weren’t any gravity holding me down right now on this little patch of grass and if I were to fly away. My mind started diving and deepening this fear… Fly away to where? Not in the sky because that would’ve flown out already. I guess in to the vast expanse of nothingness? But if there is nothing then how am I there? What is holding my form as is? Gravity..

After an expansion in the external view came the internal view of this whole force.. I am me because of gravity. The air we breathe hangs around us because of gravity. My dog is sitting next to me.. Gravity!! Everything there is.. Gravity!!! Going deeper.. Molecules, atoms, protons, neutrons, the smallest thing, the largest thing, the cosmos everything… I know for I have read this a million times in text books.. But to experience it was what really made me appreciate this beautiful force..

Now to the aesthetic aspect of it.. Attraction, emotion, tension all stems out of it as well.. We as masses are constantly pulling other masses towards us.. Everything! Right from a tiny feather to a building to this person we are madly drawn to. How crazy is that!!! I think a take away from this could be that we are constantly pulling things towards us. Why not then be accepting of it all? And be grateful that we can still continue to lay down on a bed of soft moist grass and not be scared of being propelled into the vastness..

2010-03-01T10:34:00.000-08:00

P. Ramalingam - An Obituary

My grandpa (thatha as we lovingly called him) was a kind, loving man of principles. He was the oldest Carnatic singer I have known in my family. He deeply loved and revered music. Ever since I was little he would always ask me to take time out to practice music. When I would visit him back home, he would lovingly sit next to me and and ask me to sing the new ragams that I learnt in the recent past and close his eyes and be lost in my music. In his later days, he lost his hearing abilities to a great extent, but he would still strain his ears to talk to me on the phone when I called him. You would always find him singing or humming a Carnatic tune, much as his voice allowed him to the very end of his time.

I pay all my heartfelt respects to this man from whom I learnt so much, growing up and in every stage of my life. He lived by his rules and he ardently stuck to them till his last days. He was big on reading the newspaper. Not a day would pass when he would not finish reading each line of a newspaper from end to end. He was diabetic and lost one eye at a relatively early stage in his life. But he was a fighter. He never let that affect his appetite for the news and current affairs. I always remember him asking me to be regular on my reading habits and to never stop acquiring more knowledge about the world.

So many memories of him keep coming to me in waves. Waking up in the morning to see him in a headstand yoga position against the wall. Going for long walks with him when I was a kid to get milk and vegetables from the market and making him buy me a candy. He taught me that it was just as important to look down and watch your steps while walking as looking ahead at the road. Him in his white loincloth in the puja room every morning, ringing the bell and chanting mantras out loud. When I was little, I would wait for him to finish his prayers and give me the fruits he used as neyveidyam (offering to the god) and tusli water. Him cutting vegetables every morning, slowly and meticulously for my grandma. His laughter, loud and uninhibited. His tears, just as uninhibited, when he was feeling a sense of loss for his loved ones. He loved basking in the sun every day with his shloka(prayer) books for hours till the sun bid him farewell. His deep appreciation for food since he had to be very strict about his diet.

In his last days, his health deteriorated a lot and he lost most of his body weight and strength. But he still willed himself to walk every day, inside the house with 2 walking sticks. I remember him like this last picture I took of his when I saw him in October 2009, always smiling and ready to try a new sweet, or to listen to a new thought, or a new piece of music. Always eager to learn, he infused in all of us, his passion for assimilating knowledge and to will oneself to perfection with unending rigor and practice..

Thatha... You will be dearly missed... I hope you are smiling down upon us from wherever you are up in the sky..

With all our endless love and gratitude..

Your family and friends..

My song Playlist

2010-01-27T15:03:00.001-08:00

You can listen to my songs non-stop here

2009-07-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

What do I seek?

Is it a fleeting shadow
or the lingering aftertaste of a nostalgia
Is it some old played tunes in my head
or the thrill of meeting a stranger Iv met before
is it being consumed by the portraits of a landscape
or the feeling of falling down the rabbit's hole
is it the longing to see those eyes
or to melt by the touch of some fingers
Is it the depth of a voice?
Or a thousand words in that glance
Is it feeling alive in a moment
or the sweet pain of anguish
Is it the meaning of this existence
or the thrill of a fantastic day
Is it the happiness from that smile
Or the buoyancy of those tears
Is it I? Or am I an illusion?

rasme Ulfat

2009-06-20T17:02:00.001-07:00

This song makes my heart ache.. A beautiful rendition of raaga Madhuvanti. One of my favourites :)

Album/Film : Dil Ki Raahen
Release Year : 1975
Producer : Majeeda Movies
Production : Majeeda Movies
Director : B.R. Ishara
Film Actors : Amrit Lakhan Pal, Dileep Datt, Jony Walker, Rakesh Pandey, Rehana Sultan, Sulochana
Lyrics : Naksh Layalpuri
Singer : Lata Mangeshkar
OnScreen Actors : Rehana Sultan
Music Director : Madan Mohan

Mohe Panghat pe

2009-06-20T16:19:00.001-07:00

One of my most favorite songs from Mughl-e-Azam. Madhubala at her gorgeous self.

Ruke Ruke se Kadam

2009-06-20T15:59:00.001-07:00

Album/Film : Mausam
Release Year : 1975
Producer : P. Mallikarjun Rao
Production : Sunandini Pictures.
Director : Gulzar
Film Actors : Agha, Deena Pathak, Lili Chakrabvarti, Om Prakash, Pinchu Kapoor, Sanjeev Kumar, Satyen Kappu, Sharmila Taigore
Lyrics : Gulzar
Singer : Lata Mangeshkar
OnScreen Actors : Sharmila Taigore
Music Director : Madan Mohan

2009-06-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

Ramblings..

Its been too long since I wrote. I have been preoccupied with the life's journey.. The ecstatic waves of possession and renunciations. I am on this journey to discover myself. And its been full of revelations.

I am more than certain now that if we somehow tuned out the antennas in our head to the frequency of the universe, we will be able to make sense of all its vibrations. We will be able to surmount the barrier of mass and be able to understand every thing in terms of energy waves and perhaps communicate our thoughts telepathically to everything that is in tune with that frequency. Speaking of which my last book has shed light on so many dark caves inside my head that I never ventured into. What are we in our core? Is everything that exists a manifestation of the metaphysical energy third power that made this. We exist. But if we do, then something must have facilitated our coming into existence. What is that? Is it ether? How does one cross this barrier of manifestations and embrace our true selves. Go back to what we came from? Its a book called "an Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahansa Yogananda.

People are so dissatisfied with what they have. But in all this they fail to see that their mere existence is no less than a miracle. So to have the power and ability to understand it and decode is great in itself. Man can try his best but never will he be able to duplicate nature in his glory. He doesn't have that might. So he needs to try and understand his function in this complex system. The sunsets, sunrises, skies, the green of the trees, the birds, the wind, the traffic, the chaos is PERFECT!! Its a blessing to be on the only planet that will not burn or freeze due to the proximity or distance from sun. Its the only planet that sustains. And we take all of this for granted for mere some green barks of the tree .. currency? which is after all a minuscule piece of a tree that nations fight over. How did we let ourselves worry about the most mundane things when the what we know is only the tip of the iceberg? Why have people stopped questioning all this?

I feel I am getting closer.. Everyday.. To finding out.. Something that might change everything of how I perceived this world to be. And right now I am just being prepared to be able to absorb that truth. I am looking for signs all over the place. Its the interpretation that is the key. Some rishis n yogis of the mountains have already figured it all out but like the Matrix, you need to walk into the door yourself. Someone can only guide you till the entrance..

Yeh hai reshmi

2009-03-03T00:05:00.001-08:00

I sung this drunk :) I guess I put in a lot of feel like that ;)

2008-12-30T13:42:00.000-08:00

What Next?

I have been having these unnerving thoughts about the impending future. What is it that I have been placed here for? What is the bigger picture? Where do I fit in. I can almost feel that I am not here to do what I am doing right now. Wake up, smile, go to work, be physically present and spiritually absent there for 8 some hours, get out, try and find ways to keep my mind occupied.

It seems a very long life for me to be able to keep doing this everyday. I will soon go mad if it continues. I keep looking for signs. I try to identify them and then bring them to fruition. I have been meaning to go places. So many places. But I need a travel companion. Someone with whom I will be able to share my experiences, interpret them and learn form them.

This unrest, I don't know if everyone possess it. I have met people who are perfectly happy with their current state of existence. Who can carry on doing what they are forever and not complain. I on the other hand find it hard to breathe sometimes because of the realization that the time in my hands right now will never come back. This moment is gone, lost in eternity and I have been unable to live it to its full potential. This is wrong! I need to not let any more moments pass underutilized. Every moment is a lifetime in itself and living in these moments is what makes up the bright collage of our life that would flash in front of us at the time we leave our body.

I have been reading books on spirituality and am seeking a mentor who can show me the path to attain inner peace. Peace should be irrespective of success or failures or the any other achievements in life. It should be all prevailing that lets you exist and accept any situation in life without causing ripples in the calm lake of our being. It should be all encompassing. I am looking for so many answers. I wonder where to start..

2008-11-26T23:26:00.000-08:00

What are they thinking?

When they go drop a bomb on a market street? Or put a burning tyre onto someone? Or to rape and mutilate someone? IS it the way to win your vengeance or a way to get closer to god or just a sheer lack of direction. Who is the enmity directed towards? A sect or mankind? OR is it just an implosion that manipulates itself in a much perceivable way? What were we before we were born? What will we be after we are gone?
We get to choose how we live for at most 50 years of our lives. The rest, we are incapacitated in some form, either too young or too old, out of which we sleep for a third of the time.. Why do we then need to take that little spec of time from someone in this vast realm of the existence of things that we can't even come to fathom?
Our lives are what we make of it. Why then take away the very right that we cant give anyone else but ourselves? To Live! Is it a high that transcends all other highs? Is it just a lack of having things to do? What is it?

Pyar Do Pyar Lo - Jaanbaaz

2008-09-24T09:22:00.001-07:00

Epitome of a cult song.. I HAD to attempt it. To me its just a sensuous revelation of that decade.. Beautiful composition.

Jaaiye aap kahan Jayenge

2008-09-24T09:13:00.001-07:00

Classic Asha Bhonsle number from Mere Sanam. :)

Tere Bina Jiya Jaye na

2008-09-24T09:08:00.001-07:00

Beautiful song from the movie Ghar. I am soon going to post all other songs form this movie :)

My song Playlist

2008-06-09T13:51:00.001-07:00

You can listen to my songs non-stop here

Aaiye Meherbaan - Howrah Bridge

2008-06-05T19:25:00.001-07:00

I have had this god forsaken flu for the past 2 days so I thought on Phoebe's lines (who btw is my fav character in friends). I thought why not make use of the husky voice and sing a song apt for that :) So here goes! And oh, if you have not seen Madhubala in this video, I suggest you youtube it right away :)

Ek Raadha Ek Meera - Ram Teri Ganga Maili

2008-05-23T18:31:00.001-07:00

I cant talk enough about my love for this song. Its the epitome of beauty for me. The lyrics and the melody come together so perfectly that it transcends music and takes you to this other level. It makes me feel like Meera in search of Krishna. My rendition will never be perfect. Lata is above and beyond in this song. Its bliss.

Chalo Tumko Lekar Chalein - Jism

2008-05-23T17:19:00.001-07:00

I am becoming a hard core fan of Shreya Ghoshal. Dint realize she was so good up until recently. I am attempting most of her songs. So heres the first one in the list.

2008-05-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Kasol Highs

I am able to blog on this topic, courtesy Javesh Gaju, my friend from Mauritius who did his master's in Informatics with me in Delhi University. He opened the enchanting world of Kasol to me. Please do not confuse it with Kasuli or Kasuni or any other hill station. Speaking of hill stations, I have not yet mentioned that personally I think that Himachal Pradesh is the best state in India. It cradles the foothills of the Himalayas and stores so many pristine places in its nooks that it will take me a lifetime to unravel them.

Kasol is this small village situated by the banks of river Parbati. The closest well known place near it is Manikaran with its famous warm sulphuric springs. For all the rest they go straight to Manali bypassing this village. now for Kasol. It is a Hippie heaven. There are numerous Israelis here during the summer months and they have these amazing matted hair which general cleanliness seeking public loathe. I am still trying to find out a way of having matted hair without keeping them very dirty or unwashed. If anyone knows of a way pray tell me. These hippies are more comfortable than the locals there. They appear out of every possible bend that you can imagine. Someone actually sprang up on me when it was dusk and it freaked the hell out of me.

They have numerous psychedelic cafes with neon lights and pictures that look 3D when you have the right intoxicants blowing your heads out. I took up to trance/Asian underground music after this trip. As I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, trance and hills are a lethal combination. Add to them a pinch of neon lights and a dash of hippies. Its the perfect recipe to trip out. Blend this with the most rickety bridge made of wood and supported by some ropes to cross a gushing river that could take a batallion down with its force. We crossed that godforsaken river to go to the other bank to be able to sit on a huge rock and gaze at the full moon shining its light over the contours of Parbati only to make it more daunting and appealing. It was a high like no high. We realized the next day that there was a cemetery right next to it and that was the last garnish of cilantro to this exotic recipe. I will never be able to forget that night.

As for the natives of that place, I think the colder a place gets, the warmer the hearts of the people dwelling in it are. They are the most friendly, energetic yet laid back people. You go to a restaurant and oder a dish, be assured you will not get it before an hour. They would actually go to their backyards, pick the vegetables and make it after you have ordered it. And I don't mean this in any bad way, the food that comes out is guaranteed to the be the freshest. The natives have set up numerous guest houses in their own houses. So don't live in an expensive hotel when you go there. Find a road that has the steepest slope, keep going up till your legs can take it no more, look around, you are sure to find a place to stay. This place will have everything, a cafe, a restaurant, bathrooms, music and a trial right next to its doorstep. You sleep at night you would be able to hear the world outside, the wind gushing, the windows rattling, the people above your room walking around on the wooden floors. You wake up in the morning and peep out of the window, you see the most magestic Himalayan mountain screaming out in front of you to come running to it coz it has loads of secrets to share with you. But mind you it will only tell if you promise to summit it :)

Now a solution for all the money that you have got along. Well worry not for you can spend all your time in te day bargaining to buy trinkets and jholas and jewelery and stoles and colourful caps and colourful socks and colourful gloves and kurtis and hippie pants and sexy tank tops with pictures of shiva, buddha and random scribblings on it. OOO i forgot to mention paper lanterns and and other decorative pieces for your home to make it more ethnic. And if you are as crazy as my best friend is you will end up carrying back pebbles from the banks of Parbati. Its a shopper's paradise if you can live without branded stuff :)

My last point to touch upon is going to be for Sandhya, the best friend I mentioned earlier, who fell in love with the street dogs of Kasol. Well they are the friendliest dogs I have ever come across. Once you pet them, be rest assured they will accompany you through all the gullies of Kasol till the last day of your trip. Finally it will be you leaving them behind. She would get up in the morning and go for morning walks alone since I will be sleeping. She would go alone but always come back with the company of these lovely creatures to tell me more stories about the bacchass with red cheeks flowing noses she met on her way who kept giggling when she tried to talk to them. They will always point you to the right way. I am envious of their existences in that place.

Kasol galore. I will be back to steep in your beauty again. Very soon. Very soon.

Zara Zara (Rehna hai tere dil main)

2008-05-15T17:17:00.001-07:00

This was my first ever recording with a friend and fellow musician Joy Ghosh. He played the synth in the song. He kept saying I needed to practice it more. I never got to practice it more and re-record, but here is the first and last attempt at it. Thanks Joy :)

2008-05-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

Bain and Boon of being a Palakkad-i

And for those who wonder who a Palakkad-i is, well we are people who hail from a village(Palakkad) in the south of the Indian peninsula that lies on the border of Tamil Nadu and Kerala. It was initially owned by the government of Tamil Nadu but now in the hands of Kerala. So my ancestors were Tamil but now we are successfully confused.

My friends often ask me which state am I from, and I vacillate between the two. C'mon guys its hard on me. Cut me some slack, I am a Palakkad-i born and brought up in the North which makes it even more eclectic. I grew up speaking a language that perhaps no-one other than a fellow Palakkad-i would understand. I have trouble understanding a perfectly pure Tamil movie or a Malayalam movie, or news readers, or people or songs. I never felt that void up until now when my interaction levels with neighbors from the east and west has increased in magnitude and there is a pressing need to be able to speak one pure language.

The good part though is something that is not tangible, it can only be felt. This discrepancy gets about this strange sense of pride and glory that personally I have not hand in. Its this "cool" factor in being "different", of meeting a fellow Palakkad-i and tilting the head sideways and nodding, a sense of mutual respect. But this, my friend would definitely not be acceptable to our dear neighbors who "with love" call us "pattathis" and "pattammars". I initially used to think it was something said out of "RESPEC -the ALI G way" to us. But sigh, its not so. The other good part is that we have assimilated the best of both worlds. The lighter skin tone, the best of food from both places, Avial for example, high intellectual and artistic quotient and of course a language that sounds ultra refined and sweet (to me).

So fellow Palakkadi's don't feel left out, we could soon start coming out with our own home production in movies, news and songs. Chery-aa? :)

Kuhu Kuhu Bole Koyaliya

2008-05-13T11:59:00.001-07:00

One o0f the most challenging songs I have come across. amazingly sung by Lata and Mohammad Rafi ji. It has 4 raagas in it that blend together beautifully (Sohni, Bahaar, Janpuri and Yaman).

Lag Jaa Gale

2008-05-08T10:48:00.001-07:00

2008-01-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

Call of the Tribes

I have been most mystified by this intangible relationship between Asian lounge music and the hills, vast open spaces. I am consumed by it right now as I listen to Karunesh and watch some of most amazing pics of Tibet, the monks, the prayer flags. It makes me forget my purpose, puts a void in the center of my stomach and makes me want to run looking for that place, that perfect place, with that perfect company of that I don't know of.. Its a Pandora's box for me, it opens many incidents that I may have not witnessed in my life but seem to have lived through them somehow. Its like having traveled through a pipe eons away and reached a perfect place. I cant navigate there myself, it can only be reached perhaps through the will of universe. It will never be as perfect if I try to venture it myself in my complete conscience. I can only be and be taken there as often as I am, vicariously, through music. It would be bliss, like having attained Nirvana. I could give up anything to be there. The smell of incense, the paper hand printed colorful lamps hanging from the ceiling, monks with their prayer beads chanting something slow and beautiful. A river flowing from high up a mountain, I want to walk up there, where it originates, see that glacier that melts into its formation, and stay, enraptured by it. I want to scale all the snow clad peaks that I see beyond my path, the invincible, the mighty, the mysterious, the ardent lovers, protecting something sacred behind their presence, I want to be in that land and be one with it. I want to live a life of the ancient, of the tribes, of the nomads, of the monks, all at once. I want to be the queen, the gypsy, the dancer, all in me. I want to cross over, to the side from where I could see me as I am today, and be in a realization of what I have to choose from. I want to know if that place exists..

2008-01-01T21:02:00.001-08:00

~~MAYA~~

Who is she? I often wonder. She is many people in a single moment yet many people are her as well. She could just be a mere figment of my imagination that peeps through my eyes gazing at my world the way she finds fit and manipulates my brain, my heart, my soul. She is a loner yet seeks a presence of her choice. She’s unsettling, demanding, flitting, dreaming, hopeful, lovesick, needy, caring, possessive, giving, empathizing yet not all these and something else, seeking, something beyond her reach, racing her imagination and touching horizons and returning to make me restless and always wanting something more. Her actions are guided by her heart and her heart befuddles her brain, her senses. She desires a million things all at once. Like someone aptly put to describe her; her life is full of test tubes with a ratio of love from those she seeks and things she wants and some others are empty for the things she would fill in later as and when she discovers them to be an inevitable part of her. She cant part with that ratio, if any one potion goes less or goes unbalanced there is a turmoil in her that makes her go through imports of fury and depression. She can find both happiness and sorrow in the smallest of things or the grandest of things. There’s nothing in between. Life offers much less in all its glory and there is always some thing to fret about, yet in that very moment of misery there could be a thousand figs of absolute happiness. She doesn’t intend to complicate things, they just happen in the course of things. She is the child in me and the woman in me. I am still unraveling her presence. I am asking her to calm down, to stop flitting from one desire to another. I’m wondering when will she tire? When will she settle? I’m hoping she doesn’t break anything, a dream, a hope, a heart..

2007-09-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

Paint a Patch Party!!

Best part about painting walls
- You get the choose the color, texture and pattern of the most bizzare idea in your head and see it materialize slowly!
- You feel you are in control of every stroke, every sloppy patch
- Or you could just get dead drunk and see a creamy white wall being hidden by your brush strokes guided by the workings of a disjoint yet cohesive mind!
- You get the privilege to skip a bath and look as ugly and colorful as you can inspite of it not being holi!
- Your adrenaline rush climaxes when those tapes come off the wall
- You could spend hours gazing at the slight contours, pondering over your mistakes, thinking of improvisations and dreaming of how to make it even more gorgeous
- Have loads of visitors to come and appreciate your nest!

2006-10-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

The Tall and the Mighty Calling!

This has by far been the most compulsive topic that I wanted to blog about and somehow I have been procrastinating it. Rather I have been waiting for that one high after which I would be thrown into writing about hikes. I know a lot of us have that as a usual hobby. Almost every other Desi soul on orkut has hiking as his interest. I may be in the same pool coz I don’t know their exact frame of mind when they hike. But for me its an elixir. I developed this ardent love for the hills somewhere in my adolescence. Since then I long to run to them. Mountain View offered me ample scope to quench my appetite. The copious trials have their own flavor and my friends and I pick one every week. My last cake was Half dome in Yosemite National Park. We had been there earlier in May 2006 to conquer it, hardly having trained for it. We almost made it.. ALMOST and that hit us bad coz it stood there high up mocking at those who thought it was undemanding to summit. Well for us the excuse was it started snowing then and so we had to return coz the cables get slippery. But really, it wasn’t so. Our bodies were giving way. We had lost all our energies and hence our will to summit. But we decided to come back in 2 months and get to the top. And we DID! September 16^th 2006 at 4:30 pm we were on top of this majestic rock that stands out amidst all others in the valley.

It was Prasad, Andy, Jayesh and Sucheta and I. We camped the previous night in the housekeeping camp only to regret the fact that we should have reached there earlier to savor the true joy of a bonfire on the banks of Merced under the starry haze of the night. But we enjoyed the rustic feel of it nevertheless. Our comforters defied us and we couldn’t sleep coz of the chill in the air. After having tried for 4 hours to get some sleep in vein we got ourselves geared for the climb. We drove till the Happy Isles tail at 8:30 am and started the long day. The initial half n hour was excruciating. But it slowly started getting better. We decided to take the Mist trail over John Muir as it was 1 miles shorter yet hard on the knees as they were just steps up. Our first break being Vernal Falls which we reached after some struggle. Next up was Nevada falls which seemed a lot easier as our engines were now well oiled and warm. The part after Nevada starts sapping you. It says 4.5 miles to the tip of the Dome. This is divided between a seemingly long but flat stretch on a sand like surface followed by the final climb to the base of the dome which is the killer. We were panting, breaking often and eating as much as we could during that time. Some unknown inner power better known as our WILL was the only force propelling us to take the next step and not go back. And alas after a series of muddy trails and rocky steps we reached the cables. We let out a gasp when we saw it up-close. The sight was daunting! It reminded me of ants marching in a line. Lots of them in either direction. Colliding, stopping, reverting and marching. But there was a difference. This was 8500 feet above the sea level and this was vertical. Meaning one slip and this could be the last sight that life could offer us! Breathtaking, needless to say. There are these do or die moments in our lives. This was one of them for me; Literally! But after a lot of contemplation, fear and anger I decided to go all the way up and I did! It was worth every step, every drop of sweat and mettle!

We now proudly wear a T that says “I made it to the top of the Half Dome”!! Watch out Shasta and Whitney J I will conquer you soon!

2006-05-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

My new MINI

I cant quite describe the feeling of owning something you've wanted for so long. But I am in those moments right now. After so many speculations and misgivings, I finally drove home my dream car. But just a day before that I felt like I was in the wrong side of the higway with everything charging at me for the decision I made, for instance: Why not a car that is the most common, most practical and most affordable? Nuances like loans and retail values and brands hounded me. Thanks to that I feel I have achieved supreme knowledge in number details like interest rates, milage and moolah ;) But then again, this is the quintessential question for picking between surviving now/saving later and living.. Do I want to live the way I planned or do I want to walk the line. I opt for the former any day, hence the choice :)

2006-03-29T11:36:00.000-08:00

Intervewing Paranoia

I would always tell my friends that each one of us should have one job waiting for us after we graduate from school, than have to go back to studying things all over again and then end up with jobs that we do not enjoy as much. This way what we reap is truly what we sow and its not a week's cramming and gulping down of the PIEs and other quick tricks and tips to crack it..

It may be a non sensical thought but how much sense does being judged by anyone for a hour to decide if you are fit for job or not make anyways? And what if its not your best day, or its not the interviwer's favourite day? What is the criteria that makes it click or blow in your face? And what are the odds against a suitable undertaking that fits your interests as well as your potential. But yet again, the question is, how does one zero down to that?

The other problem that exists is hope against hope. The fact that knowing an interview did not go as well, we are dejected when the mail heading says "interview feedback" and not "Offer for a postion to blah blah". There almost seems to be a cycle that is followed till a way is paved in and you transition to what is call the "employed class". From that window, everything seems so simple and a matter of fact thing in retrospect. But from this side of the world, it aint so green..

There remains a fear of giant interviwers with a stern face, white board drawings, a plethora of self doubt and of course the disquiet of the final feedback.. Hence for all my fellow interviweing peers, I would say, hang in there till maybe we have this new idea patented and we do not have to smile in front of people we do not choose to and are really doing what we always wanted to..

2006-03-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

CARNATIC BLUES!!

I believe most people especially in the US have their primary goal to just be able to perform on stage. Back in India, it is not so. I feel for Carnatic music, one should go through rigorous training even after you feel that you have reached a stage where you can be giving a stage performance.
The whole structure of raaga needs to be very clear in your head and the more you advance in your learning, the more you should go back to the basics and use them for all the raagas that you learn. Like for examples, the alankaras should be practiced with all the raagas and not just mayamamavagaula.
Also, varnams should be really stressed upon before reaching the keertana stage. The more varnams you learn, the more strong you become in the ragaa structure. For keertanams, you should stress on learning the madhayama kalam keeatanam first for any raaga, then moving on to one having a chittaswarm and then moving on to vilambakalam keertanam for the same raaga. This way you know all the delicate intricacies of a ragaa.
Aakara sadhna would help you immensely in the future when you start your improvisations on the raagas as well as in the ghamakam of the song.
It is not about how many keertanas you learn in haste but how intricately you understand the structure of a raaga that would help you advance in Carnatic music. Going back to the basics is the key to understanding it. After all, the more the stronger base of a pyramid, the taller its tip becomes, so it fits the field of music too.
I am still a learner, I believe I will always be, even though I feel I have reached a stage where I need to be able to share my knowledge of music. I believe, teaching is as important as learning as by teaching, you are yourself judging, improving and getting constructive criticisms from your students.
For me, my dream is to be able to perform in front of a huge audience one day with all my energy, passion and focus on my scales and notes..

2006-03-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

I would often wonder why is it that people hinge on to prayers before starting something new or carrying pictures of gods in their purses for an interview or scribble "om" or "nam myoho renge kyo" in their answer sheets as soon as they are distributed.. And where does this vigor go once the inertia or the novelty of that event is broken and a steady pace is set in. What is the psyche behind this?

I am a practicing Buddhist and we chant as a form of our practice, for hours together sometimes. We determine to make a change in our surroundings and summoning the strength to make something happen for us and others as well. The meaning that I derive out of this whole practice is the law of "cause and effect". What we do is what we get or what goes around comes around.

I ask in my head sometimes, if the thing that comes around is really an effect of the causes that we made or is it to stop us from making bad causes pro actively. Is it magic or is it common sense? I feel that it has more to do with us than a third power. It is a means of checking ourselves and corking our negative thoughts out of the knowledge or perhaps fear of the "it might come around" factor.

I took a friend of mine to a meeting of ours the other day and he asked a simple question which left me contemplating. He asked me that if he chanted to an empty wall, any words that he thinks appeal to him, with all his belief and determination, will things happen mystically for him as well? I did not have an answer to it.. I truly understand the word "MYSTIC". We all have faith in various forms of this supernatural power because it is this word that separates what we understand to what we cannot comprehend. But yet again, the forms of our practices are so different and yet we all believe that we benefit from them. How then, do different means lead to the same magical effect?

In essence, the way I see it, its all very intangible. It is a means of strengthening ourselves outside of our bodies and mind, almost like hinging on to an anchor, a strength that we create in our own mind and let it have a ether like existence outside of ourselves so that when we become weak, we don't take it along with us, and have a way of perching on it and levitating. Its a mind play.. Its like us making a haven for us, with all the pure intentions and taking refuge in it when we are sinking..